How Self-Dating Changed My Life

One of my biggest dreams as a child was to fall in deep, true love. Today, while my experiences have refined my perspective on romantic relationships, it’s still a wish of mine. To some, this may seem cheesy but I know that many others feel the same. Our dream is the all-consuming beast Carrie Bradshaw longed for all those years ago.

It’s actually very scary and intimidating to allow yourself to be completely open with someone. I did reject this childhood dream at some point at the start of my adult life, around age 18: as my teenage experiences with males accumulated, my belief in fairy tale romance faded. Then at some point, I figured there was no “The One” but a select group of potential forever-mates I could choose from. I lost my virginity to someone in the said potential group whom I liked a lot, but in his final blow I told myself, “…he’s not it”. I had a few more of those not-it moments. It being the one. That one. The one whom I can share myself with, wholeheartedly, no holds barred. And so I preceded to believe that perhaps this notion of “The One” actually made sense. I believe that The One is out there for me. Like Charlotte York, I’ve got the unwavering belief that I, too shall live a fairy tale kind of love.

I’ve tried to seek “The One” quite recently, but to no avail. Right now, I’m like a bored judge at an audition, sitting at the table like, “next…” Some don’t have the decency to ask me out on a nice date, but rather to hang out at the Subway down the street or the parking lot. (What!??) Oh, and the dating apps are boring. I can’t meet a serious person on there, and I freak out when I see someone I actually know. So I figured, why wait for someone to court me? I can court myself!

I take myself out on a date sometimes. My favourite activity is exploring natural parks because I love seeing wildlife, breathing fresh air, and taking long walks. I visit art exhibits. I indulge in my brunch obsession sometimes. I love to date myself for the self-discovery it brings. Most of all, I get to be selfish and bond with my favourite girl — me! I am my own best friend.

Taking yourself out on a date is an avant-garde practice. It’s about deepening the relationship you have with yourself — a relationship which none of us can escape from, but can either hinder or nurture. Smiley Poswolsky explains the benefits of self-dating perfectly:

“When you start dating yourself, your mindset shifts. Rather than define your own self-worth based on whether someone else swipes right at your photo or whether someone else wants to go home with you, you determine your own self-worth based on how you’re spending your time. You can commit to personal projects, set aside time for self-reflection and self-care, and discover new career aspirations. Instead of simply going through the motions, you’re in the driver’s seat of your own life.”

One night, I wore some makeup and athleisure to a date on the couch watching Netflix, while eating a delicious bowl of cheese-flavoured popcorn. Actually, that night, I felt bummed and lonely prior to my impromptu date, but I did not want to let the feeling consume me. It came to me that I had to acknowledge my loneliness, but that I am also able to cater to my own needs.

This past couple of years have been a rough ride. I am just now becoming comfortable in my own skin and living in a way that best suits me. In the past, I complained about guys not treating me with complete respect and not seeing how incredible of a catch I am. Meanwhile, I was not treating myself with the utmost respect. Now, I’ve created new boundaries and gained a great amount of self-respect and appreciation. I can be romantic, honest, present, and kind with myself. There always seems to be an issue I have to fix, but that’s part of self-development. All in all, I’ve never loved myself quite like this!


24 thoughts on “How Self-Dating Changed My Life

  1. The key in every relationship is not to find the perfect partner.Because it doesn’t exist and because it boring to have perfect partner.In your case you could look for a guy who will love you,protect your kids and to have decent job.Other things are less-more coming by itself.I know you can’t change your path on which you are going, but turn around sometimes for escaping from daily routine.If you can’t find the man of your dreams, find yourself an ugly one.Other girls and women are satisfied with them.At least day say,because i don’t know i’m not a girl 🙂 .

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Seriously,chocolate is tasteful but apple is healthier.With chocolate you can enjoy a little bit,end short happiness is not what you need.With an apple you can have better function being always happy.Take my advice and go for it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This makes me so happy! I’m in a similar stage in my life and so many people think it’s weird when I say I’m one of my favorite people. I think loving yourself, really and truly, leads to not wasting as much time on people and things that aren’t worth it. And to me, that’s beautiful.
    Keep doing you girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Some great wisdom here. Sometimes before we can share ourselves and our love with others, we need to love ourselves. Developing the ability to self reflect and understand what/how we are feeling in the moment is a really important skill. Good luck on your journey and lots of love

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is what every young woman should read before being let loose into the wild lol. Seriously though, this was amazing and can help a lot of young adults along their way in life as well as women of any age that just seems to forget that it all starts with us and how we see or value ourselves.

    ” Like Charlotte York, I’ve got the unwavering belief that I, too shall live a fairy tale kind of love.

    Simply noteworthy!! I too am a charlotte.. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Im also in this self love stage in my life. Honestly, sometimes it seems to be weird to enjoy this kind of love, of course, loneliness, but in a long run, when I dont know whether I can find The one or not, I should learn how to treasure my only own life, and let it be, and find ways to nurture,fill my own life with my love. Thanks a lot for your useful post.

    Liked by 2 people

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